From all the things we need to learn throughout life, everyone has a unique set of lessons.
Of those, some of us need to learn “You are”, you are and you have your own right to exist. You know what is good for you, as I do what’s good for me. Not everything you do has anything to do with me.
Of those, some of us need to learn “You are”, you are and you have your own right to exist. You know what is good for you, as I do what’s good for me. Not everything you do has anything to do with me.
Others need to learn: “I am”, I know that I want to be happy and healthy, I know what is at any given point the right thing for me to do to obtain these goals. Not everything I do has anything to do with you.
It’s the discrimination of the self and the ego as C.G.Jung described them. In Individuation we need to develop the ego by integrating all parts of our personality to reach the stage of the self.
The ego is our center of conscious awareness of our internal and external reality, it is the “I”, the “me”. To know your ego doesn’t necessarily mean to be egocentric or egomanic.
Our ego can often be impatient, feel neglected, undervalued, carry a sense of guilt, or, like a child, fears not to be loved. Some of these feelings emerge from our shadow (Jung) that beholds certain dark images of ourselves and contains ego-related complexes.
These expressions of the ego we need to be aware off.
The inner child is actually a very important part of our psychology. We have it in us. But do we realize it’s there? Do we know it?
This child is who we once were, and it carries still with it what we experienced in childhood. If it was raised with great love and warmth, it gives us security and trust in life. Does the inner child carry the rejections we experienced, the fear of being alone and unloved can take hold of us.
Erich Fromm describes in his book “The Art of Loving” that you can see in the adult, if the child he or she was has been raised by a mother who gave only “milk” or by a mother who gave “milk and honey”. Mothers who give only milk are able to raise a child properly, take care of it’s physical needs, educate it and prepare it for life. It’s like the technical facet of motherhood; kind of feed the baby, keep it clean, keep it save. Complexes of the ego prevent them from letting love flow fully.
Mothers who are able of giving milk and honey get this paradisal metaphor because they are able to also give their full love and “Urvertrauen” (the best translation of the German term that I could find is “basic trust”). It’s the experience of unconditional love, giving us a general trust in life.
If we reject our inner child and it’s troubles or our shadow, we have a blind spot in our personality. It can become like an easter egg we forget under the couch.
If we become aware of our feelings and where they arise from, we get to know our true self and integrate all parts of our personality.
This discrimination of the self and our impression of other persons is an important step in the process of our own individuation. Knowing ourselves helps us to accept ourselves and to free us from projections others imposed on us and those projections we make on others.
To know who we truly are means to know our worth and not to make it dependent on others.
When a certain negativity arises from us and we recognize the underlying patterns, this helps us to better focus on positive inner responses and who we want to be, instead of what others made us or want us to be, what to think and feel. It reminds us to be patient and to have faith in life, also to trust in our own abilities, strengths and our inner voice. Our intuition is very powerful and can lead us the way to a better life.
Since the negative experiences and disappointments cannot be avoided as we walk through life and neither in our interactions and relationships with other persons, we can choose not to enter in a negative circle of anger, rage, the feeling of rejection or fear. If we develop a sense of ourselves as being “enough”, we can pull the poisonous sting of disappointing events from our ego. It frees us from the negative influence of outside experiences.
To know who we truly are means to know our worth and not to make it dependent on others.
When a certain negativity arises from us and we recognize the underlying patterns, this helps us to better focus on positive inner responses and who we want to be, instead of what others made us or want us to be, what to think and feel. It reminds us to be patient and to have faith in life, also to trust in our own abilities, strengths and our inner voice. Our intuition is very powerful and can lead us the way to a better life.
Since the negative experiences and disappointments cannot be avoided as we walk through life and neither in our interactions and relationships with other persons, we can choose not to enter in a negative circle of anger, rage, the feeling of rejection or fear. If we develop a sense of ourselves as being “enough”, we can pull the poisonous sting of disappointing events from our ego. It frees us from the negative influence of outside experiences.
To love ourselves means to accept ourselves with all we are; and who is more acceptant towards him- or herself is likely to be more acceptant toward others as well and all that they are in their personal stage of being.
To have a good relationship with ourselves helps us to have good and healthy relationships with others too.
“I am” and “You are” coexist, we all are individuals and we all are connected. “Awareness” opens the door to acceptance and love, thus to a peaceful existence and coexistence. It enables us to love unconditionally, to kindness and generosity and to become the best we can be.