Compilation of the Heart - As the Sun Moves

Any real body must have extensions in four directions:
it must have Length, Breadth, Thickness and - Duration.

H.G. Wells - The Time Machine

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Compilation of the Heart - chronic inflammatory existential disease

“If the immediate and direct purpose of our life is not suffering 
then our existence is the most ill-adapted to its purpose in the world.”

Arthur Schopenhauer

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Harmatia - One must be Werther or nothing.

There are those who are made for living and those who are made for loving.

There is scarcely any passion without struggle. Such a love culminates only in the ultimate contradiction of death.

One must be Werther or nothing.

Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (The Absurd Man)

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I do not want to get out of my depth.

This aspect of life being given to me, can I adapt myself to it?

Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (Absurd Reasoning)

I don't know whether this world has a meaning that transcends it. But I know that I do not know that meaning and that it is impossible for me just now to know it. What can a meaning outside my condition mean to me? I can understand only in human terms. What I touch, what resists me—that is what I understand. And these two certainties—my appetite for the absolute and for unity and the impossibility of reducing this world to a rational and reasonable principle—I also know that I cannot reconcile them. What other truth can I admit without lying, without bringing in a hope I lack and which means nothing within the limits of my condition?

What I believe to be true I must therefore preserve. What seems to me so obvious, even against me, I must support. And what constitutes the basis of that conflict, of that break between the world and my mind, but the awareness of it? If therefore I want to preserve it, I can through a constant awareness, ever revived, ever alert. This is what, for the moment, I must remember. At this moment the absurd, so obvious and yet so hard to win, returns to a man's life and finds its home there. At this moment, too, the mind can leave the arid, dried-up path of lucid effort. That path now emerges in daily life.

It encounters the world of the anonymous impersonal pronoun "one," but henceforth man enters in with his revolt and his lucidity. He has forgotten how to cope. […]

All problems recover their sharp edge. Abstract evidence retreats before the poetry of forms and colors. Spiritual conflicts become embodied and return to the abject and magnificent shelter of man's heart. None of them is settled. But all are transfigured. Is one going to die, escape by the leap, rebuild a mansion of ideas and forms to one's own scale? Is one, on the contrary, going to take up the heart-rending and marvelous wager of the absurd? Let's make a final effort in this regard and draw all our conclusions. The body, affection, creation, action, human nobility will then resume their places in this mad world. […]

This is what allows him [man] everything. Hence, what he demands of himself is to live solely with what he knows, to accommodate himself to what is, and to bring in nothing that is not certain. He is told that nothing is. But this at least is a certainty. And it is with this that he is concerned: he wants to find out if it is possible to live without appeal.

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Now I can broach the notion of suicide. It has already been felt what solution might be given. At this point the problem is reversed. It was previously a question of finding out whether or not life had to have a meaning to be lived. It now becomes clear, on the contrary, that it will be lived all the better if it has no meaning. Living an experience, a particular fate, is accepting it fully. Now, no one will live this fate, knowing it to be absurd, unless he does everything to keep before him that absurd brought to light by consciousness. Negating one of the terms of the opposition on which he lives amounts to escaping it. To abolish conscious revolt is to elude the problem. The theme of permanent revolution is thus carried into individual experience. Living is keeping the absurd alive. Keeping it alive is, above all, contemplating it. […]

One of the only coherent philosophical positions is thus revolt. It is a constant confrontation between man and his own obscurity. It is an insistence upon an impossible transparency. It challenges the world anew every second. […]

It is that constant presence of man in his own eyes. It is not aspiration, for it is devoid of hope. That revolt is the certainty of a crushing fate, without the resignation that ought to accompany it. This is where it is seen to what a degree absurd experience is remote from suicide. It may be thought that suicide follows revolt—but wrongly. For it does not represent the logical outcome of revolt. It is just the contrary by the consent it presupposes. Suicide, like the leap, is acceptance at its extreme. Everything is over and man returns to his essential history. His future, his unique and dreadful future—he sees and rushes toward it. In its way, suicide settles the absurd. It engulfs the absurd in the same death. But I know that in order to keep alive, the absurd cannot be settled. It escapes suicide to the extent that it is simultaneously awareness and rejection of death. […]

Knowing whether or not man is free doesn't interest me. I can experience only my own freedom. As to it, I can have no general notions, but merely a few clear insights. The problem of "freedom as such" has no meaning. […]

But at the same time the absurd man realizes that hitherto he was bound to that postulate of freedom on the illusion of which he was living. In a certain sense, that hampered him. To the extent to which he imagined a purpose to his life, he adapted himself to the demands of a purpose to be achieved and became the slave of his liberty. […]

The absurd man thus catches sight of a burning and frigid, transparent and limited universe in which nothing is possible but everything is given, and beyond which all is collapse and nothingness. He can then decide to accept such a universe and draw from it his strength, his refusal to hope, and the unyielding evidence of a life without consolation. […]

But what does life mean in such a universe? Nothing else for the moment but indifference to the future and a desire to use up everything that is given. Belief in the meaning of life always implies a scale of values, a choice, our preferences. Belief in the absurd, according to our definitions, teaches the contrary. […]

Knowing whether or not one can live without appeal is all that interests me. 

I do not want to get out of my depth. This aspect of life being given me, can I adapt myself to it?

♥   Now I know why I had to buy that book. It's soo helpful if there's somebody telling you why your crisis is even profounder than you think.

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With every Bead in my Heart, my Brain loses a Marble.

oder: Pendeltrauma

We should not pretend to understand the world only by the intellect; we apprehend it just as much by feeling. Therefore, the judgment of the intellect is, at best, only the half of truth, and must, if it be honest, also come to an understanding of its inadequacy.

C.G. Jung

It is true, we love life; not because we are used to life, but because we are used to loving.

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

Friederich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Thus spake Zarathustra Part 1 (7)

And truly, if life had no sense, and I had to choose nonsense, this would be the most desirable nonsense for me also.

Friederich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Thus spake Zarathustra Part 1 (2)

♥

Prologue: "No Stranger to me is this Wanderer"

DE (pdf); EN (pdf)

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Adagio sostenuto

I cannot find an end to hold onto within me that would let me know that pointless infinity isn't all there is

“There is an eternal landscape, a geography of the soul;

we search for its outlines all our lives.”

Josephine Hart

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What's the matter with Calamity anyway?

"I have always believed, and I still believe,

that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way

we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.”

 Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha 


~
Just patiently keep walking... to make it on home again.

♥
 

Is this the way Life's meant to be?

Although it's only a day since I was taken away

And left standing here looking in wonder

The ground at my feet, maybe it's just the old street

But everything that I know lies under [...]

And I wonder, yes, I wonder, is this

The way life's meant to be.

The Way Life's Meant To Be - Electric Light Orchestra

♥

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For rosy Predictions bet on Kafka!

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The Obscure & its Isotopes.

Link: Klassiker (german only).

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Which is the true Evil: Existence or Existentialism? Everyone chooses his own!!!

~ I am. I am, I exist, I think, therefore I am; I am because I think,

why do I think? I don't want to think any more, I am because I think

that I don't want to be, I think that I . .. because . . . ugh! ~

Jean-Paul Sartre

Does it matter?

No.

Relatable.

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True Story:

Agony.

♥ Link

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